Is barn time your therapy? Most of us amateurs consider our horses essential to our mental health. Pulled between work, family and other commitments, we lead complicated, stressful lives. The barn gives us an opportunity to slow down, be present, and get reconnected—not just to our horses, but also to ourselves.
At its best, barn time is a mini vacation. It’s like being ‘off the grid’ for that 45 minutes you’re in the saddle.
But what if your commitments hover over you as you ride? Or you’re pulled to answer that last call from a client as you groom and prep your horse? Or you’re lost in thought about how to negotiate that deal. I guarantee your horse knows you’re not present, and you’re not getting the benefit of being ‘off the grid’ for that precious time you’re on his back.
I get questions all the time about how to ‘balance’ regular life with a serious sport like riding. Most people start with the idea that balancing means fitting it all in, like organizing your closet really well. While organization helps, in my experience it’s not the core of the solution.
You can’t have it all.
Sorry, but it’s true. You can’t have it all, at least you can’t have it all at the same time. Remember when multitasking was a revered quality? We were all so proud of our ability to do 3 things at once. We thought we were so efficient.
I would argue that multitasking is central to our distracted way of living and to our general malaise.
What do I mean? If you don’t allow yourself to be fully present in whatever you are doing, then you don’t get to fully participate in anything. You don’t get the emotional boost of being ‘in’ a lively conversation with a friend, you don’t get the real joy of closing that deal, and you don’t feel that connection with the horse you love. Oh, and you also can’t ride your best, by the way.
The key to balance, in my view, is boundaries. Draw lines around commitments and relationships, and yourself.
So what does that look like, practically?
Remember, barn time is your you time. It’s precious. I’ve often referred to the barn as a sanctuary, a sacred space. For your mental health, and for your horse, leave the rest of it behind for the short time you’re there. It’s restorative for your brain and your spirit. I’ll bet you’ll be surprised at how rejuvenated and alive you’ll feel. Give it a try and let me know how it goes!
All the best,
For over 25 years, Darby Furth Bonomi, PhD has facilitated positive transformations in clients of all ages. As a practicing psychologist and consultant, Darby has worked with many people to achieve lasting change and establish the foundations for mental wellness.
Now in her primary role as a performance psychologist and family consultant, Darby merges her life-long experience in the equestrian world—as a rider, parent of riders and owner—with her vast toolbox of psychological and coaching interventions to help riders of all levels and their families reclaim the joy in their sport, leading the way to improved performance and better health. She loves helping clients untangle the complicated situations that tend to arise when horses are added to families.
A dynamic speaker and change maker, clients have sought out Darby to help improve their lives, both in and out of the saddle. She is devoted to making the equestrian world—and the world at large—a kinder, gentler and more respectful place.
Darby currently shows in the amateur owner hunters and equitation with her horses Little Wing and DaVinci, alongside her teenage daughters. She is married and has a college age son who steers clear of the barn. She lives in San Francisco.
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